CPS Moments

Whenever something happens in my home that would suggest to an uniformed bystander that my kids are suffering from neglect, I call "CPS Moments." Finding humor in them helps me cope better, and luckily I usually don't have any witnesses.

This morning was such an event. After I bathed Alyssa and changed a poopy diaper, I put her down hoping she would nap while I got ready for my doctor's appointment. I heard her in her room fussing a little, but she wasn't crying so I wasn't worried. When I realized she wasn't going to fall asleep, I told Audrey she could go in the room and play with Alyssa while I gathered things up for our outing.

Audrey gasped, "Mommy, come look!" At the same time, the phone rang, and my dear friend Isa called to say she was in the parking lot ready to pick up Audrey. I walked in the room, with Isa on the phone, and was silently stunned for a moment. Isa asked what happened, and I said, "I've never seen anything like this."

Alyssa had had another poopy, but instead of leaving it inside her diaper, she took it off, and "painted it" all over her face, the crib, and threw some on the floor. How all of that poop came out of one baby, who'd recently had a bowel movement, I'll never know.

I quickly explained to Isa, who ran in with her kids to help. I grabbed Alyssa, thrust her in the bathtub that I hadn't gotten around to emptying (but by now the water was cold), threw her in a towel, and ran out with Isa to switch carseats so Audrey could go with them to a puppet show. Then, I came back, dressed Alyssa and stuck her in her exersaucer so I could quickly clean up the worst of it, before I had to leave for my appointment.

I looked around at my messy house. I remember seeing those signs that said something like, "My house was clean yesterday, you missed it." I thought they were jokes, meaning the person never cleaned, but now I realize they are true. Yesterday, about noon my house was in great shape. Alyssa had taken a long nap, and Audrey had watched a movie, so I was able to get things ship shape. But later the house had fallen apart again, and hadn't yet recovered.

Had an unsuspecting bystander walked in and seen my dirty dinner dishes still out, messy, unvaccumed floor, a bathtub full of water, and baby covered in excrement, CPS would be on my doorstep in no time.

As it is, thanks to the help of a good friend, and mostly cooperative children, I was able to destroy most of the evidence and no one was the wiser.

Until now. But then, I imagine you've had your own CPS moments too.

(Look at that angelic face. Could you believe she was capable of practically getting her mother thrown in jail?)