It is dusk. I'm returning home from visiting teaching. I pass by an open window, with wonderful smells wafting through. As I look in, I recognize the home of a friend. Warm. Inviting.
I continue down the fire lane. The trees, bushes, flowers. I try and drink it all in.
I glance at my garden. A gopher had cleaned out my spring planting. I look at what's left. My swiss chard has bolted and my geraniums are dying. But the cucumbers planted by the new proprietors are flourishing. I wonder what they will do with my flower bed. Perhaps new plants with vibrant colors will take the place of the old, withering ones.
I look in my the glass door of my window. The lights are dim. The pictures of my family look at me from their place on the wall. My piano is there. Stately and erect. It's quiet. Warm. Inviting.
This is the home where I became a mother. Where my girls returned from the hospital, fresh bundles of joy. This is the home of both joy and heartache. Where I experienced some moments of great anguish, as well as great love and fulfillment.
I have a rash thought. Do I really have to go? What if I chained myself to the doorknob screaming, "You can't make me leave!"
Who's making me? I want to go. Off to the new adventure the Lord has prepared for us. Full of promise, excitement. New and old friends waiting for us.
I enter my home. "The girls are waiting for you to tuck them in," my husband says. I walk into their room. "I didn't get to say goodbye before you left," Audrey says. "Well, you can say "hello to me now," I say. Then, "Will you go with me to D.C.?" "Yes," she answers. "Because I think I could leave everything except for you." "And Daddy and Alyssa," she corrects. "And Daddy, and Alyssa," I agree.
I tuck and kiss my two sweet girls.
As I type, I hear seagulls flying. Heading to the beach? Heading to their home?
As the tears flow, I think of my Savior. I'm not going alone. He will always be with me. Wherever He is, there is home.
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13 comments:
Oh Valerie, you sure made me cry. You are going to be just fine. When something is right, it just works out. But there is something magical about where we lived. There are moments like reading your blog, that still bring back the tears and the homesickness. Thank you for sharing, friend.
PS. It is very likely we will be in the DC area in November and that Annie will be baptized there. Long story, but it looks like it is working out.
Oh Valerie! Thank you for writing this post. You very much captured the tone, the feelings of leaving student housing, of leaving San Diego. Especially the part about becoming a mother and bringing your babies home from the hospital in that home...sniff sniff! I am still having feelings of nostalgia and homesickness which is crazy since I was so ready to leave...it has definitely taken me by surprise. You are surely off to bigger adventures and I'm excited for you :). Thank you for reminding me that the Lord is always with us, no matter where we move or how our circumstances change.
You have such a talent for putting your feelings into words! We will miss you lots!!!
I hope you are writing a book.
PS, How's the fibro?
You're gonna love DC. I look forward to hearing and reading about your adventures.
Just wait, the real adventures are yet to come. I, like your other friends, wait to hear all about them!
I still miss our little community in the Mesas. I'm so slow to open up and make new friends that it took us 2 years before we we connected to enough people to like New York. Leaving them was even worse than leaving San Diego, where we all knew it was temporary.
In my mind, San Diego is pleasant and sunny,the crows caw in the eucalypus, and I'm pushing around my two little preschoolers in the double stroller.
I love this and the memories it evokes. Mesa was such a wonderful place. We still miss it and I think that no matter where we are and how much we love it, Mesa will always stand out as special along with the time in our lives we spent there. Good luck with the cross country move! I look forward to reading about your adventures in DC and Virginia.
Oh no! Your post is going to make me start bawling again! We are going to miss you guys.
Sweet post. Lately, I've been looking at these beautiful mountains and soaking them in. I guess I'm starting to acknowledge my surroundings now before I too go.
We are going to miss you guys. What a wonderful place to have your babies. We will always cherish our friends in SD 13th ward and I know you are going to LOVE the next chapter of your life. It just gets better and better.
Your reflections and ponderings brought tears to my eyes and heart, as I vividly remembered making the same sort of move from two beloved places I came to call home. I ached just as much both times as I would reminisce on the countless memories created there...
How could I not miss the cramped, even roach-ridden student housing of Iowa when all three of my babies learned to walk in that tiny cinderblock apartment? And then...How could I ever find a place with more fabulous and fun people and places to love than Buffalo?
Looking back I can see the immense growth that came with each giant step away from the comfortable and into a new wonderful. You have the right perspective and attitude, my dear friend. You have amazing things ahead, and I can see already how much you are going to savor them and thrive.
Good luck with everything!!
Crying! And oh how I can relate to this, time and time again! So hard to say goodbye, but also so exciting for the adventures ahead! Best wishes!
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